You Can Run, but You Can't Hide

“You often meet your destiny on the road you took to avoid it”

I’m not sure who pinned those words; however they hold true for me. For years I took the ‘easy’ road. Only to find that it led me right back to the ‘hard’ road. What I mean by ‘easy road’ is the path of denial and what I mean by ‘hard road’ is the path of acceptance and responsibility.

For years, I thought if I changed my job, my house, my car, even my geographical location, things would be different. The problem with this was although those things changed, I didn’t. I remained the same. I continued to take the easy road instead of standing still, taking notice of my life, and listening to the God within. It was not until there was nothing else for me to do that I finally looked within. I had changed jobs, houses, cars, and had even moved to a different state. And you guessed it, nothing seemed to change. I asked myself over and over again, now what? Then my answer came…the problem did not lie in where I worked, where I slept, what I drove, or even where I lived. The problem was in me. The necessary changing needed to happen within me.

So, I’ve begun to take the ‘hard road’. I’ve stopped denying my truths. I’ve taken off the blinders and looked myself straight in the eyes. I’m willing to face those issues that I need to deal with. Issues of self worth, procrastination, neediness (needing to be needed), they all came up with one glance in the mirror. To some this may sound as if I’m tearing myself down. Please know that in this process, you may have to tear down a few walls in order to erect a magnificent structure.

I’ve also learned that no matter how far and how fast I run, I can’t outrun myself. I lie down with me every single night. I wake with myself every single day. I go along my day with me. There is no getting away from me. There is no amount of liquor, or drugs, or sex, or food or whatever the addiction that can keep me away from me. And if I do not like being in the presence of me, then there are somethings I might want to at least consider improving. I’m not going to say/write that this will be easy; however, I can say self discovery, self improvement, self empowerment is soooooo worth it.

Stop running, stand still and discover who you are. Find your -licious.

J-licious

Recession Confession

I keep hearing the word recession, recession, recession. So many of us want to ‘blame’ the recession for whatever is going on in our lives. I guess we NEED something to blame because it just can’t be us. It can’t be how we have chosen to spend our money and not save. It can’t be how we continue to live above our means just so we can compete with the Jones’. It can’t be that we chose to remain at a job that is unsatisfying and unfulfilling. Of course, that can’t be it. It has to be the recession. I say…..bullshit.

I recently received an email from a client letting me know that because of the recession, he was unable to continue in our business relationship. I must admit, my first thought was to lower my fee. I felt that in doing so, I could ‘help him through the recession’. Then I realized that my thoughts were foolish. Let me give you some background on my relationship with this client.

When we first started in 2006, he was collecting anywhere from $100k-$150k per year. At the end of 2007, he had collected near $500k. At the end of 2008 he had collected $1,507,862.36. Now the question comes to mind….how is it that he is affected by the recession and in turn now I am affected by the recession? Why would I reduce my fee when I have helped increase his insurance collections by 566%? Am I so desperate that I do not see the value of my services? Has this ‘recession thing’ gotten to me that I would be fearful of losing a client? Now on to my recession confession…

During the 3 years that my client and I were in this relationship, I became ‘comfortable’. I saw the increase in his numbers, consider what would be the increase in my numbers and became comfortable. I did not advertise nor market my services to potential clients. I just worked and worked and worked to build HIS business without taking any time to build MY business. The key is to have enough business that when one client leaves, you do not even notice it. The savvy business owner takes into consideration that clients leave and they are prepared to replace them without missing a beat. My confession….up until now, I have not been that savvy business owner. I have been nothing more than a glorified employee. Yes, I can set my own hours. Yes, my schedule is flexible. However, I have yet to establish my financial foundation. I am still building on shaky ground.

The great thing about this experience is that I have taken the time to step back, reevaluate my life and my business. I get the opportunity to rebuild and restructure. This is my recession confession, what’s yours?

In Love,

J-licious

Intentional Millionaire

If you’ve read any of my earlier blogs, you would know how full my life is. I am a mother of 3 boys (ages 19, 18 and 12). I am self-employed (life coach, real estate and medical consulting). This house is crazy and I am beginning to feel the effects. Good thing it’s an organized ‘crazy’ or I would really be in trouble. Now to top it off, I have just been asked to merge my consulting company with a software company. This merger would mean more business and more money. However, with more of those things comes more responsibility. Now to the title of this blog.

About 2-3 months ago I was talking with a friend about my consulting business. I talked about how I wanted to take it to the next level. About how I was starting to feel that things were starting to come to a standstill. I wanted to somehow get things moving. The issue I had with that was it would take money to do what I wanted. And right now, I can not see where I could afford to do it. So I sent my intentions out into the Universe and let go.

About a week ago, I received a call from a company who was looking for someone with my experience. He wanted to know if I would be interested in speaking with him to see if perhaps we could make something happen. My first thoughts were, Thank you God. Thank you Universe for listening to me. My second thought…let’s make things happen. We met this week and it seems that this venture would be a win-win situation. I am bubbling over with excitement about the possibilities. During my meditation, Spirit spoke to me about my thoughts of the ‘possibilities’. Spirit let me know that those possibilities were always there…even when I thought I did not have the finances to make the next step. Spirit let me know that I am powerful beyond imagination. Spirit let me know that I already have everything I need. I just need to set my ‘Intention’ and let go.

The next morning after my conversation with Spirit, I checked the mailbox. Sitting in my mailbox was a package addressed to me from Fran Harris Enterprises. If you have never heard about Fran, please do yourself a favor and check her out on the web at www.franharris.com. She is an exceptional speaker and personal coach. She has started the ‘100 Women Millionaires’ club and it’s taking the world by storm. When I heard about her a year ago, I knew I had to be a part of it. I am so glad that I accepted the challenge.

Back to the mailbox. In the mailbox was her new book, The Intentional Millionaire. Now imagine what I felt when I saw the title. My spirit had just spoken to me about setting my intentions and then I receive her book. I took a glance at some of the chapters and knew this was the book for me. She has woven the importance of spirituality and finances together. How perfect!

Many people will not admit that they have a relationship problem with money. So many people don’t even KNOW they have a relationship problem with money. And they definitely don’t see where spirituality and finances are tied together. My thought about it all….EVERYTHING is spiritual…even money. I took this book as an answer to some of my questions concerning money. As I begin to read the book, a ‘good’ feeling came over me. Like I was taking control of my finances again. This caused me to remember another part of the conversation with Spirit. The part about the power that I have to create whatever it is I want. I can create abundance as well as scarcity. Anyway I want it, I can have it. It’s up to me. Just like it’s up to you. Whatever you desire, you can have and it’s all up to you. Set your intentions and let go.

In Love,

J-licious

Are Relationships Hard?

There are times when I get really really busy in my consulting business. So, I decided to contract with a local community college to allow their students to perform their internship in my office. Now this has it’s ups and downs. The ups…free labor. The downs…free labor. However, I do get the opportunity to meet new people. And at times, it can be refreshing.
One of the ex terns is young, married, mother of one son and seven months pregnant with her daughter. She came to me and asked, “Are relationships always this hard, or do we just make them hard?”. Beautiful question, I replied. My answer to her question…we make them hard.

I have heard so many people say that love is hard. I totally and completely disagree. Love is easy. It’s all of our baggage that causes it to seem hard. If we could go back to being a child to being innocent, we would understand this much better. I believe we would find the essence of love. No matter how many times we were told no, we still loved. It wasn’t until we started to take the word no personally that things begin to change. We started to feel neglected or even rejected. A feeling we felt came from someone we loved…our parents, siblings, friends. And now that we are adults, the word no carries so much negativity. Instead of accepting what is, we sulk. We become hurt and angry.

Allow me to share a personal story with you. I met this guy several years ago. He was charming, intelligent and well spoken. All of which are immediate turn-ons for me. He seemed to be saying all of the things I wanted to hear. We lived in different cities, so in the beginning we didn’t see each other very often. I was okay at first. Then I wanted a little more. Well, with the wanting more of his time came more of an understanding. He explained that he was currently in a relationship but was…..you guessed it ‘unhappy’. I figured it was ok. We were just friends so what was the big deal. So I continued to see him. We spent more and more time together. Now here comes the part where things become personal. The part where I allow my emotions to take over.

All along I had feelings that things were not quite ‘right’ for me. Remember my ‘Thoughts Become Things’ post? Then the call came…I need to take a break he says. I need to sort things out. I thought to myself well, that’s it. It was fun while it lasted. Then I started to realize that it was NOT fun. It’s been crazy almost the entire time. I just kept making excuse after excuse as to why it was ‘okay’ to remain in a relationship that was not working for me. It was not hard to see that, I just refused to see it. Although his words said, I want to continue to see you; his actions were saying just the opposite. Now I can’t hear what he says because what he does screams so loudly. Hey if it looks like a duck…walk likes a duck…quacks like a duck…AFLACK! (Thanks MaDear, Tyler Perry)

So when the ex tern asked me about relationships being hard, it was so easy to answer. No, relationships are not hard. People tell you who they are from the very beginning. We just have to be open enough to hear what they have to say. If we can learn to accept things and people as they are and not as we would like for them to be, then we are on the road to discovering that relationships are not hard. They are beautiful…every single one of them. Even the ones we feel were the most difficult have their own gifts. Sometimes hidden, but trust me the gifts/blessings are there.

The question to ask is….do I want to remain in this relationship? And if I do, what am I willing to do to remain in the relationship? Who am I willing to become?

Here’s to redefining ALL of your relationships,

In Love,
J-licious

Harmonic Wealth

I recently revisited the material written and taught by James Arthur Ray. His perspective on ‘Harmonic Wealth’ is right on point and the inspiration I needed to create this blog. There are five (5) pillars that create and support Harmonic Wealth. The pillars are:

Financial Pillar

Relational Pillar

Mental (including intellect and emotions) Pillar

Physical Pillar

Spiritual Pillar

Now close your eyes, and visualize these as pillars. If any one of them is weak, you will start to fall apart either bit by bit or all at once. And you can’t strengthen yourself by reinforcing the stronger pillars. Instead, you must strengthen the weak ones. So many people have a misconception of balance. You can’t possibly create absolute strength in all pillars at all times. Just think, if everything is in balance , nothing happens…..absolutely nothing. Therefore, you’ll need to work on different pillars at different times in your life.

I have created this blog with the intention to offer some assistance with the task of developing those areas when needed. Not in the way of a ‘guru’ or ‘philosopher’, but in a way of an exceptional person like yourself. Notice I didn’t say ‘normal’ or ‘average’. I am just like you…..a spiritual being having a human experience. And because of that humanness there are times when we could use some spiritual encouragement.

It is my desire to give and to receive that which we all long for….unconditional love, acceptance and understanding.

In Love,

J-licious

King of Kings and the King of Pop

What does Jesus and Michael Jackson have in common you say? More than you can imagine. I recently read on line that at least a dozen (12) people have committed suicide because of Michael Jackson’s death. I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself, this can’t be true. This has got to be one of those ‘rumor’ things. As I continued to research I found the same information. Yes, 12 people have killed themselves because Michael Jackson has died. This information gave me cause to think. What other person has been the source of people ‘given’ up their lives? You guessed it……Jesus.

I understand that people have many different views about Jesus (just as they do about MJ). Some believe him to be God-incarnate. Others believe Jesus to be the Son of God. Others believe Jesus to be a prophet, not God not a god, but a man. Then there’s MJ. Some consider him an icon. Others see him as a brilliant artist and musician. Others see him as disturbed…a freak. Remember the label “Wacko Jacko”? My goal in this post is not to persuade one way or the other. It’s not to agree or disagree. My desire is to cause you to take an intimate look at yourself. To find within you those things that you find so appealing in the previously mentioned persona’s.

Too often people live vicariously through another. Instead of becoming the powerful being that they are, they choose to spectate, while others are out there living it. Why do you think so many people are obsessed with celebrities? Even during the time that Jesus walked this planet, people were more comfortable with following him and dying ‘for’ him than becoming a trailblazer just as he was. And now in our time, people are doing the same. They are willing to die ‘for’ MJ than to take his great works to the next level.

As a child, a teenager and young adult, I spent a great deal of time in church. I was forced to go as a child and a teenager and felt it was my ‘duty’ to go as an adult. One of the common themes for most churches is that God is up there and you , well you are somewhere down here. That never quite sat well with me. So I decided to get a better understanding for myself. Proverbs 4:7 (KJV)…”Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”

II Timothy 2:15 (KJV) reads….”Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” And that is exactly what I began to do in my adulthood. I started to read for myself and not just listen to what others were saying. I began to read not just the Bible, but other books and information as well. You will never guess what I began to realize.

In my pursuit of understanding, I found that Jesus advised that not only was he powerful beyond measure, so are we. Take a moment to read the following scriptures…Matthew 17:20, Matthew 21:21, John 14:12 (all KJV). I will leave the reading and interpretation of those scriptures to you. However, what I received from them was that if I could somehow begin to believe in myself then I could do the same as and even greater works than Jesus himself. He said so. Now just imagine this for you. Imagine that within you lies a power so great that you could move mountains, just by speaking. No pushing, no shoving, no breaking your back, not even breaking a sweat. Just by believing in the power within and speaking your truth.

Just as we have the power of Jesus within, we have the same creative ability as Michael Jackson. Now, I’m not saying that you can moon walk all over a stage or go around grabbing your crotch, but I am saying that you can create for yourself an empire. You can create the life you dream of. You can be the next person who sets this world on fire. All you have to do is go within, find your ‘licious’ self, believe, and work it out.

In love,
J-licious

10 Secrets of Millionaires

The word Millionaire has the ability to conjure up all types of images in our minds. And most likely, those images don’t look anything like we see in our mirrors, in our homes, or in our businesses. Why is that? Why is it that when you think of a Millionaire, you seem to think of someone other than yourself? I find that really funny because Millionaires are people just like us. The difference, their mindset. When asked about their ’secrets to success’, they usually don’t cite anything magical or out of the norm. Usually, they speak of hard work, belief in themselves, goal setting, wise investments and yes……frugality.

In my reading and investigation of this rare and special specimen we call Millionaires, these are the top ten things I have found to be consistent:

1. Create a financial plan EARLY. Most people get into trouble by creating debt early on. Remember all those credit card offers right after graduation? All those student loans that seemed to be so easy to approved for? Remember that first car you financed because you just had to have it? All those things are just pitfalls into early debt. I’m sure you have heard this phrase hundreds of times before, so you won’t mind if I repeat it once more. “Learn to live within your means and how to delay gratification”. These are habits that you will need to practice into habit so that you can create your millions.

2. Believe in yourself. Unfortunately, most of us will kill our million dollar dream before it even has the chance to be born. I can almost guarantee that you have had at least one idea this year that if you just believed it was possible, would have assisted you on the road to millionaire status. Stop making excuses of why you can’t. Start creating what you can with what you have right now. If you don’t believe in you, who will?

3. Be more specific about what it is you say you want. The statement, “I want to be a Millionaire” is too vague. You must begin to imagine what your life as a Millionaire looks like. Example…I want to have at least $1,000,000 invested so that I can live off the interest. I want to quit my job so that I can volunteer in my community, travel and enjoy spending time with my family. When you clearly set your intentions, the picture becomes so much clearer.

4. Insure against life’s stumbling blocks. Life’s stumbling blocks can look like bankruptcy, divorce, disability, or even a death in the family. Protecting against those stumbling blocks through insurance helps to protect your wealth. I’ve heard so many people say, “I just can’t afford it”. The truth is, you can’t afford NOT to have it.

5. Work hard and smart. When I say work hard, I don’t mean to physically break your back. What I mean is to work ’steady’. Be consistent in your work habits. Don’t become to relaxed. If you haven’t read my post about my Recession Confession, I suggest you give that a read after reading this post. Donald Trump made this statement….”If your work pays off, which it most likely will, people might say you’re just lucky. Maybe so, because you’re lucky enough to have the brains to work hard”. Millionaires create financial freedom because they work hard in the beginning to build their wealth. Once the wealth is built, they are free to do what they want when they want.

6. Budget. I recommend that you track how much you spend each month. Do this religiously. Be sure to include EVERY spending aspect of your life. This means track how much you spend on eating out, on going to the movies, on hanging out with your friends at the club, and even how much you spend on hair, clothes and shoes to go to the club. You will be surprised at how much is spent on ‘life’s pleasures’. When you SEE your spending habits in black and white, you can begin to budget.

7. Do what you love. Having a college degree is great; however, I have found that most people do not excel at something that they don’t enjoy. I suggest you go into a field that you find yourself enjoying in your ’spare’ time. If you find your self browsing browsing fashion magazines, then work in the fashion industry. Even if what you like doesn’t seem lucrative, just do it. If you do what you love, the money will come.

8. Create multiple streams of income. The more sources of income you can create, the more likely you will become a millionaire. The key to creating multiple streams of income is to focus on making them passive income. By passive I mean they require little maintenance from you. Stop trying to do EVERYTHING yourself. Develop a team of people who can get the job done while you are out creating the next stream.

9. Invest in your financial education. Most million dollar homes have libraries. That’s not a coincidence. That is on purpose. Invest in your knowledge. If part of your money is not going toward financial education, then you will never reach millionaire status. So pick up a book. No time to read, invest in audio books and programs. Turn the TV and radio off. Educated yourself.

10. Give. First and foremost, give thanks for all that you have been blessed with. Then create a habit of generosity. It feels great when you are able to give from your heart. When you give it (whatever ‘it’ is) away, you make room to receive. If you give, then you possess wealth. When you don’t give, wealth will allude you.

To wealth,
J-licious

A Woman Should Have

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….

something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… andWHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more….

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it….

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

Pamela Redmond Satran

Love Jones

It’s about 1am here in the big ole state of Texas and I couldn’t get to sleep. So I browsed through my collection of movies to find a trusted and true olde……Love Jones. Each time I watch the movie I learn something new about myself. Could be that each time I watch the movie I’m at a different place in my life. And at each place, I seem to find something in that movie that takes me to the next place. Sound crazy? Yeah to me too, but it’s true. At least it’s true for me.

Intimate relationships have not been easy for me. I seemed to fall in love with the same type of man over and over and over again. You know the man that’s unwilling to commit. That man that’s unavailable. He’s either too busy in his career, too busy with his family, too busy with other women, or just too busy with himself. There’s not enough room in his life (in his heart) to fit me in. But does that deter me from remaining open to love? Nope, not in the least bit. Because as the saying goes, ‘when that jones comes down…it’s a mutha fuka’. What I have learned is that it’s not about the other person. It’s all about me. Whether it’s a family relationship, a business relationship or an intimate relationship, I am the common denominator in all of them. It’s about my ‘attraction factor’. It’s something about me that causes me to attract and remain in a relationship that I feel is no longer serving me. I am learning that I decide when I have given enough. I decide where the line is. And I decide whether to stay put or cross over. It’s empowering to know that I am my own master and that I am capable of controlling my emotions. And when I control my emotions, I can control the outcome.

I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as failure. That goes for relationships as well. Relationships may not necessarily turn out the way you desire; however, they don’t fail. I also realize that relationships never end. They may change forms but they never end. Whether it was your closest family member, the perfect business partner or the love of your life that somehow went sour, it remains with you forever. You can never truly know yourself except in relation to another. There truly is a gift in every moment. We just have to remain open in order to see it.

I’ve heard many people ask the same question over and over again, ‘why is love so damn hard’. The answer…love is many things what it is NOT is hard. It’s our thoughts surrounding love and what we think love should be is what makes it seem so hard. We go about our days romanticizing and falling victim to the love scenes in the movies or the lyrics in the songs. Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve fallen too. And there’s nothing wrong with dreaming. You just have to somehow mix the dream world and real world to make it work. You can have both, just not ALL the time. A truth that many people find difficult to grasp is that you must first love yourself before you can love another. You must first accept yourself before you can accept another. You must first forgive yourself, before you can forgive another.

So when I find myself feeling a bit lonely, I reach within and pull self-love out from under all the garbage. I pull it out, polish it up and place it high up on the shelf. This way I have to keep my head up in order to see it. Now don’t go thinking this is a one time job. It’s an every day, every minute, every second kind of job. But it’s so worth it. It’s so worth knowing that not only am I loved, but that I AM love.

J-licious

3 Cardinal Rules of Women Millionaires

We as women take emotional risks all the time, but rarely do we take financial risks. We rent when we should buy. We buy when we should have invested our money in better ways. To support our family, we think jobs when we should think careers. To top it all off, we lose ten good years of saving or investing in our 20s and sometimes even in our 30s and 40s while we’re waiting to find Mr. Right. UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Rarely do we ever talk about how much money we make, or what’s the best way to be on a fast track to millionaire status. The culture seems to think that when men discuss earning strategies, they are being MEN—and when women do the same, we are ‘gold diggers’. Why is that?

We fear the so-called lonely life that we believe we may face by being successful. But according to Thomas Stanley, author of Millionaire Women Next Door, the median age of women with seven-figure assets is 49; only one in 20 has never been married, and only about 20 percent are divorced. Besides who has time to be lonely when you are building an empire? Not only that, you’ll find the men that you do attract are either millionaires in the making or they’ve made it. How sweet is that?

Women should do what men do: Create the money. Success is a choice. You have an obligation to yourself—to make you your first priority. You don’t have to give up love or family in order to reach millionaire status. One of the most misquoted versus of the bible is I Timothy 6:10. I have often heard….. Money is the root of all evil. That is NOT how the scripture reads. It reads, The ‘love’ of money….. So success nor money is evil.
The 3 Cardinal Rules:

• First, BELIEVE that becoming a millionaire is within your power. You would be amazed at what you can create just through believing. If you haven’t yet read my post “The King of Kings vs. The King of Pop”, I suggested you give it a read now. Faith of a mustard see can bring much about.
• Second, always look to improve on your talents/gifts. Make sure you are doing/being what you love. If you are doing something just for the money, the money will never come. Continue to educate yourself about your area of expertise. Then do your research. Will your business be profitable in the area you live. Recently I had a client call to tell me they were having some trouble with the competition. Well, I don’t believe in competition. But that’s a subject for another post. He was concerned on whether or not he would be able to earn a living doing what he loved in the area he lived. My answer…….MOVE!!!! You have to be open to risks.
• Third, work hard. Set your sights high and go for it. Exam your surroundings. If you are doing/being more than anyone else around you, then you need to start moving around. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Associate only with people who have similar goals and plans for their lives. If not, you’ll find yourself at ground level instead of up in the clouds.

I know these 3 rules seem simple. And quite frankly, they are. Simple, but hard all at the same time. Just working on your belief system can be a challenge. Not only will you have to contend with the outside voices of ‘you can’t, you shouldn’t, you won’t', you’ll have to learn to quieten the voices inside your own head. For me, the daily challenges are so well worth it.

To creating wealth beyond your imagination,

J-licious

Emasculation of the Male

Recently I had the pleasure of joining my son at his final interview at a talent agency. My oldest son has been interested in fashion and the entertainment industry for as long as I can remember. He was always the ‘neat’ child. Never wanted to get his hands dirty…lol As a matter of fact, he would cry if he got dirty. Of course, I thought it was a bit strange for a ‘boy child’ to NOT want to be dirty. I soon learned that it was not strange at all. It was just who he was…who he is.

As we sat in the talent scout’s office, I could see the excitement in his eyes. He could hardly keep his legs still he was so excited. And as a mother, I was just as excited. Not FOR him, but WITH him. I knew how much this opportunity meant to him and I wanted him to be able to take full advantage of it. When the scout announced that he was accepted into the agency, I think he wanted to jump out of that chair and shout. But he held it together. As I, his mother, had instructed, he was very professional.

Now one would think that being professional is a ‘good’ thing. And perhaps it can be. But is it good if it costs you being who you really are? Let me explain. After speaking with the scout for a while, the scout mentioned seminars, training and workshops that the agency would have twice a month. He looked at my son smiled and said, “I see that you are very quite. We have seminars for that too.” Then I looked at my son. And what I saw, I didn’t like. Because the truth, my son ISN’T very quite. He was only behaving as I had instructed.

I am a mother of 3 young men. And up until yesterday, I thought that I had done a fairly decent job at being a mother. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not beating myself up about my parenting skills. I have done what I thought was ‘best’. I did what I knew to do. I taught them to be respectful, courteous and kind. What I failed to do was to teach them to be themselves whether I was present or not. I would like to think I have provided a safe haven for them. A place that they knew without a doubt that they could be themselves and still be loved, appreciated and accepted.

On the drive home, we discussed what I was feeling. And like the beautiful child he is, he calmly told me that I was trippin’…..lol He let me know that I was the best mother a kid could have and that he loved me for teaching him how to present himself on an interview. He also let me know that he is still growing as a man and learning from a woman, his mom. Although his words were kind and I believed them to be sincere, I was still concerned. Concerned that I had somehow, someway emasculated him.

A friend of mine, wrote a post entitled ‘Are You Emasculating Your Male?’. This article will open your eyes to a few things. Click on the following link to read: http://rickeybenns.com/are-you-emasculating-your-male/. If there is a male in your life, whether it’s your father, your husband, your significant other, your brother, your son, your nephew, you NEED to read this article. I hear so many women complain about the men in their lives and they don’t see how they play a role in how men are showing up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not saying that you are responsible for his ill behavior, just that as women, we play an important role in our men lives. I once heard a saying…’a man doesn’t realize how powerful a being he is until a strong woman creates him’.

So, today I leave you with a question….Are you Emasculating Your Male?

In love,

J-licious

Sensuality 101

How do you define the word ’sensuality’? How do you define the word ’sexuality’? Many people, men and women confuse those two words thinking they are synonymous. Let’s take a look at how each word is defined (courtesy of dictionary.com) :

Sensuality
1. sensual nature: the sensuality of Keats’s poetry.
2. unrestrained indulgence in sensual pleasures.
3. lewdness; unchaste.
or
The quality or state of being sensual or lascivious.
Excessive devotion to sensual pleasure.

And

Sexuality
1. sexual character; possession of the structural and functional traits of sex.
2. recognition of or emphasis upon sexual matters.
3. involvement in sexual activity.
4. an organism’s preparedness for engaging in sexual activity.
or
The condition of being characterized and distinguished by sex.
Concern with or interest in sexual activity.
Sexual character or potency.

As you can see these two words, although similar in nature, are quite different.

As the title of my blog was being formed in my mind, I struggled with it. I thought if I named it ‘-licious’ people would get the wrong idea. They would think it was about sex and that is so not what my blog is all about. Then it came to me. That’s the very reason, I am writing. To explain to women (men too) that there is a -liciousness within us that has absolutely nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with our attitude, our confidence, our minds, and even our mindset. Our -liciousness has nothing to do with WHAT we see in the mirror, but how we FEEL about what we see. Do we love ourselves enough to show our sensual sides? Are we confident enough in our own skins to walk the streets with our heels clacking, our hips swaying and our heads held high?

To be sensual means to be consciously aware of your surroundings. It’s being encapsulated in the deliciousness of what you smell, touch, hear, taste and see. In the right state of mind, you can make anything in life a sensual experience: eating chocolate or enjoying a sumptuous meal, meditating or focusing on your breath, walking the beach and feeling the breeze on your face and the sand beneath your feet, watching a sunset, dancing and feeling your body move through space, smelling flowers in a garden, looking into the face of a loved one, painting or working with clay or working in your career. Oh yeah, even when making love.

Think about it? Outside of the bedroom, just how sensual are you? Do you save the soft sheets for company? Your favorite outfit for a special occasion? Do you buy flowers only for special events? Light candles and put on sexy panties and perfume when it’s time to make love? Are you only sensual when other people are watching? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask yourself….WHY. Why wait?

Make a commitment to yourself to notice the sensuality of the world around you. Take some time each day and vow to experience your world from a sensual perspective. Take a walk and notice the sounds, sights, smells, textures and tastes around you. Do the housework in your pretty panties or none at all. Listen to music that moves you from the inside out. Make dinner a sensual feast. From the laundry room to the bedroom and everywhere in between, explore the sensual you and learn how to use your unique sensibilities to create an extraordinary atmosphere in which to live, love and of course, make love. Stop looking at your sensuality as a sexual perk and start enjoying it 24/7. Because when you feel like a sensual woman you behave like one. And that confidence is the true secret to driving your partner wild in bed.

Sensuality comes from the inside and exudes without you even being aware of it. And it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is what you do with it that makes the difference, but to enhance it is not a bad or taboo thing.

Men, don’t you agree?

In love,

J-licious

Conscious-licious Creativity

Once you have perceived how the inner process works, that is, you have lined up the details of the inner mechanisms: thoughts, beliefs, feelings, emotions, tendencies, influences, choices. Then you are free to go back and watch the outer reflect the new understanding. ” – Gradius & Rago

For the past week, I have been reading the e-book, Outrageous Mastery, written by Sasha Xarrian. Within a few pages of the book, I marveled at the similarities of our stories. She was a young woman brought up in a very religious (Mormon) home. She married, gave birth to 7 children(6 survived), divorced her husband, was nearly homeless with her children, and at times penniless. All of this before the age of 30. Although this story sounds sad and depressing, there is a happy ending. Through all of this, she learned the power of Conscious Creativity. To read her story, click here. Now to my story.

I was brought up in a very religious (Baptist) home. We were not allowed to wear pants (those were for men), we were not allowed to wear make-up (that was too much like Jezebel), and we were not allowed to cut our hair (our hair was our ‘crown and glory’). When I tell people this, most people laugh. They think all of that is absolutely absurd. But it was no laughing matter in our family. It was a live or die, heaven or hell kind of thing. Now that I’m a bit older, I understand that my grandparents were teaching me what they learned. Just as I am teaching my children what I learned. However, I am leaving room for them to come to their own understanding. I married fairly young, gave birth to 4 children (3 survived), divorced, was nearly homeless, and sometimes penniless. Sounds like another sad story doesn’t it? But wait, there’s so much happiness to come.

Through all of my experiences, I learned that I can and did create EVERY single one of those experiences. Both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ were my own doing. Before I realized that being a business owner was the only way I would ever accomplish my financial goals, I had what many call a job…Just Over Broke. With that job came all the frustrations of marching to someone else’s drum, finding day care for my children, and commuting. I hear some people say they live pay check to pay check. Well, my pay checks never seemed to make it to the next pay check. It seemed that before I could even cash the check, it was gone. For almost a year, I didn’t step a foot inside a grocery store. My children and I ate from my grandparent’s freezer. I worked in a hospital, so my wardrobe consisted of hospital attire. Yep, scrubs. And not the cute ones with all the designs. Just plain green scrubs. I remember having eviction notices posted on my apartment doors and once even being locked out of the apartment. My children grew up with candelight dinners. Not because I thought it was nice, but because there was no electricity. I would feed my children and would eat whatever they had leftover on their plates. My life seemed a wreck. I would pray and ask God why. I was a ‘good’ girl. I did all the ‘right’ things. Why was this ‘happening TO me’? I soon learned that nothing happened TO me. Everything happened ‘THROUGH me. I was creating my life. I was just doing it unconsciously. I was focusing on all the things I DIDN’T want.

Now I realize that I created them so I could be more aware, more conscious about how I choose to live my life now. Not only did I create havoc in my home, I created havoc on my job, in my finances, even in my relationships. Had I not created all of the chaos, I just might miss all the bliss that I receive now.

Too many of us want someone to blame for where we are in life. There is no one to blame. We are where we are because we choose to be where we are. You may have heard a variation of this saying…keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same results. If you keep creating UNconsciously, you’ll live an UNconscious life. The power to change your life lies within you. You will never find that power outside of yourself. Nothing and no one can do that for you. You have to decide who you want to become, what you want to see, and how you want to live. You’ve already mastered the art of creating unconsciously. How about developing and mastering your skill of creating conscious-liciously?

In love,

J-licious

• 

Does Your Emotions Deplete Your Bank Account?

One of the many reasons potential clients call and inquire about my services is their desire to earn more money. Whether it’s the start-up clinic that barely brings in $50k a year or the established clinic that brings in $50k a week. Each one of them are concerned about how to earn more money. However, when I interview them to find out if we are a good fit, what I find is that they are not interested in the money. They are interested in what they feel having more money will bring into their lives. For some, it’s a larger home, a more reliable form of transportation, extended vacation time with their family, their child’s college fund. The list goes on and on. They want the pleasures of life that money affords. I’ve also noticed during my interviews the one thing that keeps each doctor from achieving his/her goals are their emotions. They are somehow emotionally tied to their business. These emotions cause them to spend money on equipment they don’t need, hire staff that they don’t need and sometimes even acquire additional office space that they don’t need.

Most of the time, we think that the only thing standing between us and our long term goals of being, doing or having what we want is money. The truth of the matter is sometimes our emotions can be a major roadblock that keeps us from attaining our goals. Although the money is there, we allow our emotions to deplete our bank accounts. Emotions can sometimes cause us to spend money on things that give us short-term satisfaction and leave us unfulfilled in the long run.

I have learned from my personal financial challenges that emotions are directly linked to self-esteem. Self-esteem can have a huge impact on spending and financial decisions. If you feel something is missing from your life, or that you don’t quite measure up to your expectations or expectations that others have of you, you might buy something to prove yourself or to temporarily fill the void. In this instance, your emotions can prevent you from what you truly want. You may allow your emotions to cause you to pass up opportunities that could put you ahead financially. Emotional spending can prove to be expensive and destructive behavior, pushing goals and dreams farther and farther away.You must remember that you can’t change your inside by buying something on the outside. You will have to go within otherwise, you will continue to go without.

Some emotions that impact our financial decisions include depression, anger, frustration,jealousy, and the ultimate…… fear. I encourage you to take a look at your emotional spending. Find out what drives you to spend when you should save. Set financial goals. Don’t just say it in your mind, put the pen to paper. Make the goals visible. Look at them daily. This may help you to remain focused. As the saying goes…..keep your eyes on the prize. Once you set your financial goals, stick to them. Become aware of the emotions that are depleting your accounts because emotions and money don’t mix.

To your wealth,

J-licious

Are Your Thoughts Causing You Pain?

It’s been at least a week since my last post. I’ve experienced a few challenges and had to take some time to ‘pull it together’. I’ve had two deaths in my family within one week. And now my grandfather is ill. So, needless to say, I’m a bit emotional. When I find myself feeling this way, I like to become quiet, meditate a little and pray alot. Not requesting prayers, instead I pray prayers of gratitude. I thank God, Life, Universe for allowing me to see that everything I have experienced, everything I am experiencing and everything I will experience are all for my higher good.

I carry a book with me almost everywhere I go. Just in case I get some down time, I’ll have something to read. On this visit home, I chose a book written by Byron Katie entitled ‘Question Your Thinking Change The World”. The book contains various quotes from Byron Katie. Byron is the creator of a simple yet profound exercise called The Work. In this exercise, you are to ask yourself 4 simple questions and then turn them around. The questions are:

1. Are my thoughts true?

2. Can I know for sure my thoughts are true?

3. How do I feel/react when I think my thoughts are true?

4. Who would I be if I could not/did not think those thoughts?

Again, the questions seem simple; however, if you actually do The Work, you will find the exercise quite profound. If you would like to read more about The Work, please visit her site here.

Another book written by Byron is “Loving What Is’. This book has been my ‘mind saver’ on many occasions. This is one of those times. I find that most, if not all of my inner turmoil comes from thinking that things should be different. For example, if I think that my relatives should not leave this physical plane and they do, I hurt. If I think that my grandfather should not become ill and he does, I hurt. However, when I accept my relatives death as ‘what is’ and my grandfather’s illness as ‘what is’, then I see there are no should or shouldn’ts. There is only what is and what is not.

Now don’t get me wrong. That is not to say that I don’t feel pain when a relative dies or that I am not concerned when my grandfather becomes ill. Just that I accept it for what it is. I feel all the emotions attached to those thoughts. I grieve and then I let go. Sometimes the letting go takes a little longer for some things. Yet I know that to hold on to them would only be detrimental to me and all those around me. If I allow my thoughts to control me then they win. When I question my thoughts and accept the ‘real’ answers, then I win. And I play to win.

Question your thoughts…..question everything.

J-licious

My Business, Your Business, God's Business

I recently posted an article entitled “Are Your Thoughts Causing You Pain?”. In this article, I mentioned a well-known spiritual teacher named Byron Katie. Byron Katie is best known for “The Work.” “The Work” is an exercise that assist you in questioning your thoughts in order to relieve you from the monsters living within your head. Another concept that she teaches is, “My Business, Your Business, God’s Business”.

My Business, Your Business, and God’s Business teaches us that we are each responsible for our own happiness. No one is coming to our rescue. We are our own salvation. Although it is quite humanitarian of us to reach out to others, we are not truly able to ‘help’ others until we help ourselves. Before reaching out, we must first reach within.

Let’s take a brief walk along the path of each of these concepts:

My Business: my personal growth, my beliefs, my values, my actions/reactions, my relationship with my significant other, caring for my children, my work ethics…. Not to say that I am selfish. Just to show you that there’s enough ‘work’ for me to perform on myself without interfering in Your Business and/or God’s Business.

Your Business: how each of my 3 sons decides to live their lives, how my mother handles her illnesses, how my sisters care for their children, the choices my brother makes, how my partner shows up in our relationship, how my clients choose to operate their companies…. Although each one of these things may have some sort of affect on me, none of it is really any of my business.

God’s Business: life, death, disease, natural disasters . I have no control over any of those things….only God does.

I was home visiting family on last week. While I was there, I was given the opportunity to place things in one of those 3 categories. I realized that most of the things that frustrated me was not even in the My Business category. They resided outside of what I control. Therefore, I relinquished my ‘rights’ to them and offered them to their proper owner. I must say, it was quite a relief.

Minding My Business,

J-licious

A Woman's Worth

By now most of us have heard Alicia Key’s rendention of A Woman’s Worth. One verse in particular that I like goes something like this:

She rolls the mile; makes you smile, all the while
being true
Don’t take for granted the passions that she has
for you
You will lose, if you choose, to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man who knows
her worth!

I love it because it reminds me so much of how I show up. Not just in my intimate relationships, but in all of my relationships. When I chose to become your lover, I am your true lover. When I chose to become your friend, I am your true friend. When I chose to become your business associate, I am your true business associate. What I am saying is that I give my all. After 40 years of being here, I am beginning to realize that the person I should be most true with is myself.

It’s a beautiful thing when someone sees your worth, it is breathtakingly beautiful when YOU see your worth. And when you see your worth, you will know how precious, how priceless you are. You will also become more conscious about who and how you choose to share your worth. A woman’s worth is not to be taken for granted. It is not to be used or abused. A woman’s worth is to be cherished. Cherished first by the woman who possesses it and then by all who has the privilege to know her.

Recently, I have been given cause to question my ‘worth’. To ask if what I have given is truly ‘worthy’. If I am truly worthy. I sometimes go within and question if I am being a worthy partner to my mate, if I am being a worthy mother to my children, if I am being a worthy daugher, sister, friend. It is assuring to hear the answer I receive……”you are more worthy than you will ever know”. I know that answer comes from the God within me. How do I know? Because that answer causes me to lift my head, to arch my back, to stand firm and to smile a smile so bright that it illuminates the room.

Go within, connect with your worth. For you are more precious than any jewel and worth more than all the money in this world or any world to come.

In love,

J-licious

Self-Abuse

The most talked about form of abuse is probably physical abuse. Then there’s emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse. We hear about it on the news, we read about it in the newspapers and magazines. Just recently, the Chris Brown and Rhianna incident was the most searched subject on the internet. And as damaging as physical abuse can be, it does not even compare to the damage that self abuse creates. Mainly because the culprit behind physical abuse, whether the abuser or the abused is some form of self abuse.

When we think/feel that we are unworthy of love, we create loveless relationships. We we think/feel that we are not enough, we create unfulfilling relationships. We we think and say negative things about ourselves, we create partners that call us by every name except our birth name. When we beat ourselves up for not figuring it out, we create partners who are willing to take it a few steps farther and literally ‘beat us up’. So, now can you see where abuse really begins? It really begins with us.

In order to ’stop the violence’, begin within. Love yourself enough to to do the hard work. Take an intimate look at how you treat yourself. And if you find that you are abusing you……STOP! I know, I know, it’s much easier said than done. Especially when you have years of practice. I am still on this journey of self discovery. There are times when I still find myself abusing me and allowing others to abuse me as well. However, I am willing to look at it and do something about it. Everytime I say no to the abuse and or the abuser, I say yes to me.

In love,

J-licious

Invest in Your Wealth

Almost a year and a half ago, I received a correspondence from a company named VALIC. I had no idea who they were or what they wanted. I assumed that it was another advertisement. My first thought was to just toss it, but my spirit advised me to open it. I’m so glad I listened. Inside the envelope was my account statement explaining the value of my investment. Imagine my surprise. I didn’t even remember starting this account. I called the number listed on the statement to make sure this wasn’t some type of mistake. I found out that this was an investment that I had with a previous employer. This account was over 15 years old. Fifteen (15) years……. Because I was no longer employed with the company, I was unable to make additional contributions, so I decided to roll it over into a self-directed IRA. Not bad for a ‘secret’ 15 year investment account, right?

This little surprise got me to thinking more about my investment strategies. I soon realized that I didn’t even have a strategy. I was using the old “save some spend more than I saved” strategy. And that was NOT working. I was under the impression that in order to really invest I was going to need a large sum of money. Not true, so not true.

There are ways to invest with the amount of money most people spend on a cup of coffee every month….especially if you’re a Starbucks kind of person. One easy way to get started is through direct investing, a method of buying stock directly from the company without going through a broker. One of the companies I use is Sharebuilder.com. Sharebuilder.com also gives you information on over 5000 companies to help in your decision on which stock to buy. You can invest any amount you want.

If you are employed with a company that offers investment options, you can enroll in programs to have a fixed amount deducted from your paycheck and automatically invested in the stock of your choice. Most companies will even match your contribution. This is a great way to begin building your investment portfolio. Of course there are several other investment options such as real estate, but this is probably one of the easiest ways to get started.

I was recently reminded that the amount of money that you save or invest is not nearly as important as developing the habit of investing and saving.

To your financial wealth,

J-licious

Team Work

I recently had the pleasure of witnessing the essence of team work. We often hear the phrase with reference to the workplace and sports. However, team work is a vital part of any relationship, especially initmate relationships. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own agendas that we forget to take a close look at our partners. This again holds true in our workplace and in our homes.

One of my clients asked if I would pay his friend/colleague a visit. He felt that I could put them ‘on the right path’. I’m always delighted to visit with clients. First it gives me the opportunity to connect, second an opportunity to learn and third and opportunity to help. When I scheduled the appointment, I had no idea just how enlightening this visit would be. Not on their part, but on mine.

The first thing that was different was that my client asked me to stay in their home. Normally I stay in a hotel, but thought ‘what the heck’. I could tell that this ‘doctor team’ was very different than most I visited. Everything seem to start at home. They woke together, ate meals together, planned their day together, and eventually headed off to work….together. You would think that after a while one might get bored, but it didn’t seem that way for them.

In their office it was no different. Each one had their specific duties yet you could see that it was team work personified. They knew their weaknesses and their strengths. They were more than just open to suggestions on how to improve their practice and themselves, they welcomed it. They didn’t attack each other. I know this may not seem like much to others, but to me, this was a ‘WOW’ moment. I don’t often see a husband/wife team as open and loving to each other as this team.

It didn’t surprise me at all how fast their practice was growing. It was inevitable. There is no way energy like this could create anything less than abundance. Yes, there were a few things that needed improving. However, the foundation had been laid. So to build from where they were standing was like eating a slice of warm buttered bread. Nothing less than yummy.

Here’s one for the team.

J-licious

I Almost Forgot....

that I am -licious. Please allow another personal story about ‘finding my -liciousness.

About 10 years ago, I was feeling afraid, lonely and almost desperate. I was a divorced mother with 3 boys. What man was going to take a risk with that? I’m not one to ‘club’, so if I were going to meet a man, it would most likely be in the workplace or at the bookstore. I’ve always felt like meeting men at a bar was for entertainment, not for relationships. Then I decided to post a profile online. Well, no one told me that meeting someone in the club and meeting someone online could have the same effect. Now to my story.

Almost 9 years ago, I met this ‘angel’ online. He wrote everything I wanted to read. The phrase that ultimately got me was…’I want to go deep with one, not shallow with many’. I was blown away. That one sentence started the phone conversations and ultimately our first upclose and personal meeting. The best thing about our ‘friendship’ was that my children accepted him. As a matter of fact, they were ‘in love’ with him as well.

After about a year of ‘dating’, I moved to be closer to him. I left family, friends and the known without a second thought. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. Within the first week of us ‘living together’, he spent the weekend out. I recall calling his phone a million times. I called the hospitals, the police department, I even went out looking for him. Keep in mind, I was new to the city and didn’t have a clue as to where to begin my search. The thought that he just might be with another woman NEVER occured to me. When he showed up a few days later, I questionned him about his whereabouts. He didn’t answer any of my questions. Now to most people this would have been enough, but not for me. I remained in that relationship almost 8 more years. I found that although he was beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and full of potential, he was also very confused. The more I tried to ‘help’ him, the worse my situation seemed to become. The cheating, the lying, the deceit, the heartbreak never stopped. It was one continuous lie after the other. I’m not writing about his cheating, his lying, or his deceit. I’m writing about my cheating, my lying and my deceit.

You see, I cheated myself years happiness for years of pain. I lied to myself about our relationship. I deceived myself into thinking I DESERVED this type of relationship. And I broke my own heart over and over again. I almost forgot that I am a desirable woman. I almost forgot that not only do I deserve honor, respect, love, and faithfulness, it is within my rights to have them. I almost forgot that I AM -licious.

Today as I write this post, I am a re-defined woman. I look in the mirror and I LOVE what I see. I caress my body and I LOVE how I feel. I remember and embrace ALL of my struggles and I LOVE who I have become. I have once again found my -licious.

Thank you my ‘friend’ for reminding me of my -liciousness. For without you and the lessons you taught, I would not be who I am today.

J-licious

Fabulosity

Kimora Lee Simmons is an icon in the fashion industry. She also happens to be one of my idols. I just finished reading her book entitled Fabulosity. And I tell you, it’s a MUST READ. She defines fabulosity as… a state of everything that is fabulous, a quality ascribed to that which espresses glamour, style, charisma, power and heart. She also states 16 laws. I wanted to share those with you on today. Of course for the FULL description and more details about the 16 laws, you’ll have to purchase and read the book.

Law 1: If You’re Gonna Buy Caviar, Make It Beluga

Law 2: Le Freak, C’est Chic!

Law 3: Grab the Mic

Law 4: Throw Away the Manual (and Find Your Own Way Into Business)

Law 5: No Success Without Effort

Law 6: Be A Woman Warrior

Law 7: Take Control of Those Bills, Bills, Bills

Law 8: Don’t Let Other People Cash in on Your Game

Law 9: Build a Powerful Persona

Law 10: Dress Like You Might Run into Your Worst Enemy

Law 11: Embrace Your Inner Goddess (Then Play with Your Diva) ——-personally my favorite law

Law 12: Lose Your Heart, But Never Lose Your Head

Law 13: Strive for Fabalance

Law 14: Defy the Haters

Law 15: Live Large, Give Large

Law 16: Write Your Own Script

Trust me, it’s a great guide to finding your -licious.

J-licious

The Weaker Vessel

I Peter 3:7 (KJV)” Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

I’ve heard this scripture quoted many times to ‘put me in my place’. I was to accept being the ‘weaker vessel’. I said it then and I will repeat it now….I will become the ‘weaker vessel’ as soon as a stronger vessel appears. Until then, I must remain strong. Especially if I am the ONLY vessel.

This post is definitely not to male bash. I absolutely adore men. I believe them to be one of the greatest gifts God gave to a woman. I have to believe that….I have 3 sons. However, somewhere along the way, we have fallen off our divine paths. Perhaps the falling is to add a little flavor to what may have been a dull existence. Who knows? So again, this post is not to emasculate any man. This post is my attempt to reinforce the strength that all women possess because sometimes we forget how powerful we really are.

I’m not sure what it was like when the Apostle Peter penned that scripture; however, I do know what it’s like now. Women are no longer JUST the helpmate. Women have become ALL the help. We have taken the roles of wife, mother, nurse, community leader, employee, business owner, friend, lover, sister, daughter and so much more. We are no longer afforded the opportunity to be the ‘weaker vessel’. There are too many people looking to us for strength and guidance.

I recently visited a ‘Corrections Facility’. In other words, I visited the Tarrant County Jail. The thought of being there was enough to make me sick. What made me sick enough to write this post was all the women and children visiting their mates and fathers…..in prison. I looked around the waiting room and my eyes filled with tears. If our men(our strength) are incarcerated, where does that leave us? How can we assume the role of the helpmate or the weaker vessel when we have children (sons) to raise? How can we be weak when we must shelter those children, feed those children and clothe those children, provide their physical needs? How can we be weak when we are to shelter them from spiritual harm, feed their souls, clothe their minds, provide them with morals and values? The answer….we can’t be weak.

Of course, not every woman has these types of issues to deal with. Some women are very blessed to have their ’strength with them on a daily basis. Their ’strength’ rises early in the morning and goes to work, he considers his family in everything that he does, he makes sure their needs (physical, mental, financial, spiritual) are met, he comes home in the late evening with a smile on his face even if he is weary from work. Yes, those men exist and they are honored to be the ’stronger vessel’ for they know the precious gift they have been given. If you are such a blessed woman, be sure to ‘worship’ your man for he deserves it. If your ’strength’ is yet to come, remain strong.

In love,

J-licious

Mental Illness

I tend to stay away from the news. I don’t watch it on TV and I don’t read the newspaper. However, there are times when I log onto the internet and a story catches my attention. Tonight was one of those nights. After reading an article about another mother in Texas that murdered her child, I was compelled to write this post. For so many people, this subject is taboo. No one wants to talk about it until something tragic happens. No one says a word until a mother cuts off the limbs of her 3 and 1/2 week old son. No one says a word until she rips his brains from his head. If this seems a bit graphic, GOOD!!!!!! That is my intent. I want people to understand that mental illness is REAL. It’s a REAL ILLNESS!!!!! Just like cancer or diabetes or high blood pressure. Ladies, it’s real. And just as there is no shame in cancer or diabetes or high blood pressure, there is no shame in mental illness.

Some people may call it postpartum depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia. Others will give it a less technical name. They will say she was just plain crazy. Whatever you call it, call it something. Please don’t ignore it. Ignoring it does not make it go away. I have yet to read a story such as this without someone mentioning that they knew the mother had a history of mental illness. Yet, they leave that mother unattended with her child. Why is that? I think it’s because people really don’t have clue as to the seriousness of mental illness. As illustrated in the story I read, mental illness can be fatal.

As women, we have been conditioned to just deal with things. We have been taught by our family and society to be quiet about our anxieties. If we are feeling anxious, depressed, nervous, uneasy, we have learned to self medicate. We turn to drinking, smoking, eating, not eating, sex. Which does nothing for what is really going on with us. As a matter of fact, it only heightens the problem. Those types of ‘fixes’ are only temporary and may even cause more harm.

I am a firm believer in natural healing. I endeavor to eat well, to exercise my body and mind, to pray and meditate. I have found that in doing so, I am able to ease a great deal of the anxieties I may begin to feel. However, I am not so naive to think that natural healing is for everyone and for every cause. Although I am not an advocate of over the counter or prescription drugs, there are times when such measures need to be taken. If at any time, you feel overwhelmed and you are unable to cope seek help. Whether it’s your mate, a family member, your spiritual leader or your physician…..get help. Remember we all need help at some time in our lives and there is no shame in that.

In love,

J-licious

It Can't Wait

I recently went to see Tyler Perry’s new flick, I Can Do Bad All By Myself. As expected, I LOVED it!!!! Tyler has been blessed with the gift to inspire and educate people via story telling. There were so many powerful messages in this movie that it’s difficult for me to choose just one. However, for the sake of not writing a thesis, I’ll choose this one…..It Can’t Wait.

There’s a scene in the movie where April, played by Taraji P. Henson, learns that her mother has died. She finds out that while her mother was on a bus traveling to work she suffered a brain aneurysm and dies. Everyone getting on and off the bus thinks she has just fallen asleep, so no one ‘bothers’ her. It’s not until the end of the bus driver’s shift that he realizes that April’s mother has died.

Not trying to give away too much of the movie here, but there are some things I will need to point out in order to write this post. April’s sister was a drug addict that died leaving her mother to care for her 3 children. I am sure that one of the reasons the grandmother was still working was to be able to provide for her grandchildren. As important as this task was to her, death would not wait. As with most things in life…It Can’t Wait.

Often times we sit around thinking we have time. We make excuses for not being, doing, and having. We start out in elementary school declaring who/what we will become. Some say lawyers, doctors, teachers, firemen. Then we look up and realize we are none of those things. We are working on jobs we hate. We live in houses and drive vehicles we can barely afford. Why is that? It’s because we keep telling ourselves, IT CAN WAIT!!!!

What’s the IT? The IT is living the life of your DREAMS!!!!!! We tell ourselves stories like, I’ll wait until I finish school, I’ll wait until the kids finish school, I’ll wait until the house is paid for, I’ll wait until……. Well, I’m here to tell you, It Can’t Wait. Not only that, I’m here to tell you, it WON’T wait.

Life is such a precious gift from God. Don’t squander it. Take inventory of your life right now. Decide what it is you REALLY and TRULY desire for yourself. Then ask AND answer this question, “what step can I take RIGHT NOW to make it happen?” Once you’ve answered, then get to it. Cause, IT CAN’T WAIT!!!!

In love,

J-licious

Let's Talk About Sex

Recently several of my Facebook friends posted a video on my wall. The video showed children being taught and encouraged to dance in a fashion that simulated sex. As you might imagine, people were outraged. They wanted to find out where these children lived and call their local Child Protective Services. When I looked at the video, I have to admit I wasn’t ready. Then again…….yes I was. When I consider today’s Rap/Hip-Hop/R&B music videos, dances that simulate sex is normal these days.

I also had to ask myself, when did sex become shameful? A few weeks ago, I had the privilege to hear an interview with Lois Hollis on Party 934. She was discussing and promoting her latest book, Sex and the Shame Factor. She spoke openly about sex and how not only the act has become taboo, but the word itself. She discussed how sex is now being seen as shameful. How we’ve gotten away from the spirituality of sex and turned it pornographic.

I’m not sure about you, but when I was growing up, my ‘birds and the bees’ lesson went a little something like this……”Don’t do it til you’re married”. Well, that didn’t tell me a damn thang. I didn’t even know what birds and bees had to do with sex anyway. And what the hell was ‘it’? I was sheltered, very sheltered. And I realized early that if I were going to learn anything about sex I was going to have to read a book. But sex is not something that you learn from a book. Sex is to be experienced. And in my opinion, I think that’s how it was meant to be learned.

I also learned shame at an early age. It was shameful to even think about sex and you certainly could not ask questions. No one wanted to openly discuss sex. Not my parents, not my grandparents, not my teachers, not even my spiritual leaders. That is one of the reasons I openly discuss sex with my children. Because I know that if we don’t talk about it, they will find someone who will. And usually that someone is a peer who is looking for answers themselves.

As a mother, I feel it my duty to teach my children about self-respect and to respect others, self-love and to love others. I firmly believe that when we instill in our children self-respect and self-love, we will find ourselves living a different world. When we teach them to love and respect their bodies and the bodies others, the number of teenage parents will drastically decrease, HIV/AIDS will no longer have bodies to infect, and we will see a more spiritually developed world. So, let’s not keep our children in the dark….

Let’s talk about sex,

J-licious