Love Jones

It’s about 1am here in the big ole state of Texas and I couldn’t get to sleep. So I browsed through my collection of movies to find a trusted and true olde……Love Jones. Each time I watch the movie I learn something new about myself. Could be that each time I watch the movie I’m at a different place in my life. And at each place, I seem to find something in that movie that takes me to the next place. Sound crazy? Yeah to me too, but it’s true. At least it’s true for me.

Intimate relationships have not been easy for me. I seemed to fall in love with the same type of man over and over and over again. You know the man that’s unwilling to commit. That man that’s unavailable. He’s either too busy in his career, too busy with his family, too busy with other women, or just too busy with himself. There’s not enough room in his life (in his heart) to fit me in. But does that deter me from remaining open to love? Nope, not in the least bit. Because as the saying goes, ‘when that jones comes down…it’s a mutha fuka’. What I have learned is that it’s not about the other person. It’s all about me. Whether it’s a family relationship, a business relationship or an intimate relationship, I am the common denominator in all of them. It’s about my ‘attraction factor’. It’s something about me that causes me to attract and remain in a relationship that I feel is no longer serving me. I am learning that I decide when I have given enough. I decide where the line is. And I decide whether to stay put or cross over. It’s empowering to know that I am my own master and that I am capable of controlling my emotions. And when I control my emotions, I can control the outcome.

I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as failure. That goes for relationships as well. Relationships may not necessarily turn out the way you desire; however, they don’t fail. I also realize that relationships never end. They may change forms but they never end. Whether it was your closest family member, the perfect business partner or the love of your life that somehow went sour, it remains with you forever. You can never truly know yourself except in relation to another. There truly is a gift in every moment. We just have to remain open in order to see it.

I’ve heard many people ask the same question over and over again, ‘why is love so damn hard’. The answer…love is many things what it is NOT is hard. It’s our thoughts surrounding love and what we think love should be is what makes it seem so hard. We go about our days romanticizing and falling victim to the love scenes in the movies or the lyrics in the songs. Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve fallen too. And there’s nothing wrong with dreaming. You just have to somehow mix the dream world and real world to make it work. You can have both, just not ALL the time. A truth that many people find difficult to grasp is that you must first love yourself before you can love another. You must first accept yourself before you can accept another. You must first forgive yourself, before you can forgive another.

So when I find myself feeling a bit lonely, I reach within and pull self-love out from under all the garbage. I pull it out, polish it up and place it high up on the shelf. This way I have to keep my head up in order to see it. Now don’t go thinking this is a one time job. It’s an every day, every minute, every second kind of job. But it’s so worth it. It’s so worth knowing that not only am I loved, but that I AM love.

J-licious