Are Relationships Hard?

There are times when I get really really busy in my consulting business. So, I decided to contract with a local community college to allow their students to perform their internship in my office. Now this has it’s ups and downs. The ups…free labor. The downs…free labor. However, I do get the opportunity to meet new people. And at times, it can be refreshing.
One of the ex terns is young, married, mother of one son and seven months pregnant with her daughter. She came to me and asked, “Are relationships always this hard, or do we just make them hard?”. Beautiful question, I replied. My answer to her question…we make them hard.

I have heard so many people say that love is hard. I totally and completely disagree. Love is easy. It’s all of our baggage that causes it to seem hard. If we could go back to being a child to being innocent, we would understand this much better. I believe we would find the essence of love. No matter how many times we were told no, we still loved. It wasn’t until we started to take the word no personally that things begin to change. We started to feel neglected or even rejected. A feeling we felt came from someone we loved…our parents, siblings, friends. And now that we are adults, the word no carries so much negativity. Instead of accepting what is, we sulk. We become hurt and angry.

Allow me to share a personal story with you. I met this guy several years ago. He was charming, intelligent and well spoken. All of which are immediate turn-ons for me. He seemed to be saying all of the things I wanted to hear. We lived in different cities, so in the beginning we didn’t see each other very often. I was okay at first. Then I wanted a little more. Well, with the wanting more of his time came more of an understanding. He explained that he was currently in a relationship but was…..you guessed it ‘unhappy’. I figured it was ok. We were just friends so what was the big deal. So I continued to see him. We spent more and more time together. Now here comes the part where things become personal. The part where I allow my emotions to take over.

All along I had feelings that things were not quite ‘right’ for me. Remember my ‘Thoughts Become Things’ post? Then the call came…I need to take a break he says. I need to sort things out. I thought to myself well, that’s it. It was fun while it lasted. Then I started to realize that it was NOT fun. It’s been crazy almost the entire time. I just kept making excuse after excuse as to why it was ‘okay’ to remain in a relationship that was not working for me. It was not hard to see that, I just refused to see it. Although his words said, I want to continue to see you; his actions were saying just the opposite. Now I can’t hear what he says because what he does screams so loudly. Hey if it looks like a duck…walk likes a duck…quacks like a duck…AFLACK! (Thanks MaDear, Tyler Perry)

So when the ex tern asked me about relationships being hard, it was so easy to answer. No, relationships are not hard. People tell you who they are from the very beginning. We just have to be open enough to hear what they have to say. If we can learn to accept things and people as they are and not as we would like for them to be, then we are on the road to discovering that relationships are not hard. They are beautiful…every single one of them. Even the ones we feel were the most difficult have their own gifts. Sometimes hidden, but trust me the gifts/blessings are there.

The question to ask is….do I want to remain in this relationship? And if I do, what am I willing to do to remain in the relationship? Who am I willing to become?

Here’s to redefining ALL of your relationships,

In Love,
J-licious