Recently I had the pleasure of joining my son at his final interview at a talent agency. My oldest son has been interested in fashion and the entertainment industry for as long as I can remember. He was always the ‘neat’ child. Never wanted to get his hands dirty…lol As a matter of fact, he would cry if he got dirty. Of course, I thought it was a bit strange for a ‘boy child’ to NOT want to be dirty. I soon learned that it was not strange at all. It was just who he was…who he is.
As we sat in the talent scout’s office, I could see the excitement in his eyes. He could hardly keep his legs still he was so excited. And as a mother, I was just as excited. Not FOR him, but WITH him. I knew how much this opportunity meant to him and I wanted him to be able to take full advantage of it. When the scout announced that he was accepted into the agency, I think he wanted to jump out of that chair and shout. But he held it together. As I, his mother, had instructed, he was very professional.
Now one would think that being professional is a ‘good’ thing. And perhaps it can be. But is it good if it costs you being who you really are? Let me explain. After speaking with the scout for a while, the scout mentioned seminars, training and workshops that the agency would have twice a month. He looked at my son smiled and said, “I see that you are very quite. We have seminars for that too.” Then I looked at my son. And what I saw, I didn’t like. Because the truth, my son ISN’T very quite. He was only behaving as I had instructed.
I am a mother of 3 young men. And up until yesterday, I thought that I had done a fairly decent job at being a mother. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not beating myself up about my parenting skills. I have done what I thought was ‘best’. I did what I knew to do. I taught them to be respectful, courteous and kind. What I failed to do was to teach them to be themselves whether I was present or not. I would like to think I have provided a safe haven for them. A place that they knew without a doubt that they could be themselves and still be loved, appreciated and accepted.
On the drive home, we discussed what I was feeling. And like the beautiful child he is, he calmly told me that I was trippin’…..lol He let me know that I was the best mother a kid could have and that he loved me for teaching him how to present himself on an interview. He also let me know that he is still growing as a man and learning from a woman, his mom. Although his words were kind and I believed them to be sincere, I was still concerned. Concerned that I had somehow, someway emasculated him.
A friend of mine, wrote a post entitled ‘Are You Emasculating Your Male?’. This article will open your eyes to a few things. Click on the following link to read: http://rickeybenns.com/are-you-emasculating-your-male/. If there is a male in your life, whether it’s your father, your husband, your significant other, your brother, your son, your nephew, you NEED to read this article. I hear so many women complain about the men in their lives and they don’t see how they play a role in how men are showing up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not saying that you are responsible for his ill behavior, just that as women, we play an important role in our men lives. I once heard a saying…’a man doesn’t realize how powerful a being he is until a strong woman creates him’.
So, today I leave you with a question….Are you Emasculating Your Male?
In love,
J-licious
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