Once you have perceived how the inner process works, that is, you have lined up the details of the inner mechanisms: thoughts, beliefs, feelings, emotions, tendencies, influences, choices. Then you are free to go back and watch the outer reflect the new understanding. ” – Gradius & Rago
For the past week, I have been reading the e-book, Outrageous Mastery, written by Sasha Xarrian. Within a few pages of the book, I marveled at the similarities of our stories. She was a young woman brought up in a very religious (Mormon) home. She married, gave birth to 7 children(6 survived), divorced her husband, was nearly homeless with her children, and at times penniless. All of this before the age of 30. Although this story sounds sad and depressing, there is a happy ending. Through all of this, she learned the power of Conscious Creativity. To read her story, click here. Now to my story.
I was brought up in a very religious (Baptist) home. We were not allowed to wear pants (those were for men), we were not allowed to wear make-up (that was too much like Jezebel), and we were not allowed to cut our hair (our hair was our ‘crown and glory’). When I tell people this, most people laugh. They think all of that is absolutely absurd. But it was no laughing matter in our family. It was a live or die, heaven or hell kind of thing. Now that I’m a bit older, I understand that my grandparents were teaching me what they learned. Just as I am teaching my children what I learned. However, I am leaving room for them to come to their own understanding. I married fairly young, gave birth to 4 children (3 survived), divorced, was nearly homeless, and sometimes penniless. Sounds like another sad story doesn’t it? But wait, there’s so much happiness to come.
Through all of my experiences, I learned that I can and did create EVERY single one of those experiences. Both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ were my own doing. Before I realized that being a business owner was the only way I would ever accomplish my financial goals, I had what many call a job…Just Over Broke. With that job came all the frustrations of marching to someone else’s drum, finding day care for my children, and commuting. I hear some people say they live pay check to pay check. Well, my pay checks never seemed to make it to the next pay check. It seemed that before I could even cash the check, it was gone. For almost a year, I didn’t step a foot inside a grocery store. My children and I ate from my grandparent’s freezer. I worked in a hospital, so my wardrobe consisted of hospital attire. Yep, scrubs. And not the cute ones with all the designs. Just plain green scrubs. I remember having eviction notices posted on my apartment doors and once even being locked out of the apartment. My children grew up with candelight dinners. Not because I thought it was nice, but because there was no electricity. I would feed my children and would eat whatever they had leftover on their plates. My life seemed a wreck. I would pray and ask God why. I was a ‘good’ girl. I did all the ‘right’ things. Why was this ‘happening TO me’? I soon learned that nothing happened TO me. Everything happened ‘THROUGH me. I was creating my life. I was just doing it unconsciously. I was focusing on all the things I DIDN’T want.
Now I realize that I created them so I could be more aware, more conscious about how I choose to live my life now. Not only did I create havoc in my home, I created havoc on my job, in my finances, even in my relationships. Had I not created all of the chaos, I just might miss all the bliss that I receive now.
Too many of us want someone to blame for where we are in life. There is no one to blame. We are where we are because we choose to be where we are. You may have heard a variation of this saying…keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same results. If you keep creating UNconsciously, you’ll live an UNconscious life. The power to change your life lies within you. You will never find that power outside of yourself. Nothing and no one can do that for you. You have to decide who you want to become, what you want to see, and how you want to live. You’ve already mastered the art of creating unconsciously. How about developing and mastering your skill of creating conscious-liciously?
In love,
J-licious
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