I Almost Forgot....

that I am -licious. Please allow another personal story about ‘finding my -liciousness.

About 10 years ago, I was feeling afraid, lonely and almost desperate. I was a divorced mother with 3 boys. What man was going to take a risk with that? I’m not one to ‘club’, so if I were going to meet a man, it would most likely be in the workplace or at the bookstore. I’ve always felt like meeting men at a bar was for entertainment, not for relationships. Then I decided to post a profile online. Well, no one told me that meeting someone in the club and meeting someone online could have the same effect. Now to my story.

Almost 9 years ago, I met this ‘angel’ online. He wrote everything I wanted to read. The phrase that ultimately got me was…’I want to go deep with one, not shallow with many’. I was blown away. That one sentence started the phone conversations and ultimately our first upclose and personal meeting. The best thing about our ‘friendship’ was that my children accepted him. As a matter of fact, they were ‘in love’ with him as well.

After about a year of ‘dating’, I moved to be closer to him. I left family, friends and the known without a second thought. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. Within the first week of us ‘living together’, he spent the weekend out. I recall calling his phone a million times. I called the hospitals, the police department, I even went out looking for him. Keep in mind, I was new to the city and didn’t have a clue as to where to begin my search. The thought that he just might be with another woman NEVER occured to me. When he showed up a few days later, I questionned him about his whereabouts. He didn’t answer any of my questions. Now to most people this would have been enough, but not for me. I remained in that relationship almost 8 more years. I found that although he was beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and full of potential, he was also very confused. The more I tried to ‘help’ him, the worse my situation seemed to become. The cheating, the lying, the deceit, the heartbreak never stopped. It was one continuous lie after the other. I’m not writing about his cheating, his lying, or his deceit. I’m writing about my cheating, my lying and my deceit.

You see, I cheated myself years happiness for years of pain. I lied to myself about our relationship. I deceived myself into thinking I DESERVED this type of relationship. And I broke my own heart over and over again. I almost forgot that I am a desirable woman. I almost forgot that not only do I deserve honor, respect, love, and faithfulness, it is within my rights to have them. I almost forgot that I AM -licious.

Today as I write this post, I am a re-defined woman. I look in the mirror and I LOVE what I see. I caress my body and I LOVE how I feel. I remember and embrace ALL of my struggles and I LOVE who I have become. I have once again found my -licious.

Thank you my ‘friend’ for reminding me of my -liciousness. For without you and the lessons you taught, I would not be who I am today.

J-licious